Today I'm sharing some really common mistakes I see with punctuation and dialogue in both my critique clients and the writing workshops I teach.
Here's an example from SISTERS' FATE:
INCORRECT
“You’ve decided to come?” She asks. “You look pretty.”
I glare at her. “I do not,” I look like a tall, skinny blond vulture in the Sisters’ uniform. I always do.
“Hush and take the compliment.” She insists, braving a hug. She smells like hot cocoa and the maple candies her mother’s always sending from their farm in Vermont. “Are you all right? You seem . . . pricklier than usual.”
“I’m fine,” I’m not fine. What’s O’Shea cooking up now? Hundreds of Brothers will be at the bazaar. Any of us could make a misstep and be arrested. Things seem so on edge. And beyond that--
“Are you worried Finn will be there?” Rilla cuts right to the heart of it.
CORRECT
“You’ve decided to come?” she asks. “You look pretty.”
I glare at her. “I do not.” I look like a tall, skinny blond vulture in the Sisters’ uniform. I always do.
“Hush and take the compliment,” she insists, braving a hug. She smells like hot cocoa and the maple candies her mother’s always sending from their farm in Vermont. “Are you all right? You seem . . . pricklier than usual.”
“I’m fine.” I’m not fine. What’s O’Shea cooking up now? Hundreds of Brothers will be at the bazaar. Any of us could make a misstep and be arrested. Things seem so on edge. And beyond that--
“Are you worried Finn will be there?” Rilla cuts right to the heart of it.
NOTES
* Before a dialogue tag (she asks, she insists, she says), use a comma (or exclamation or question mark, if appropriate - but NOT a period) to end the quoted sentence, then close the quotation marks. DON'T capitalize the next word.
* If the following sentence is NOT a dialogue tag, and is a full sentence in its own right, use a period (or question or exclamation mark, but NOT a comma), then close the quotation marks. The next word SHOULD be capitalized.
* I actually cut most of my dialogue tags (she says, she snaps, she hisses, etc) in revision in order to layer in description. Check out this post for examples!
Here's an example from SISTERS' FATE:
INCORRECT
“You’ve decided to come?” She asks. “You look pretty.”
I glare at her. “I do not,” I look like a tall, skinny blond vulture in the Sisters’ uniform. I always do.
“Hush and take the compliment.” She insists, braving a hug. She smells like hot cocoa and the maple candies her mother’s always sending from their farm in Vermont. “Are you all right? You seem . . . pricklier than usual.”
“I’m fine,” I’m not fine. What’s O’Shea cooking up now? Hundreds of Brothers will be at the bazaar. Any of us could make a misstep and be arrested. Things seem so on edge. And beyond that--
“Are you worried Finn will be there?” Rilla cuts right to the heart of it.
CORRECT
“You’ve decided to come?” she asks. “You look pretty.”
I glare at her. “I do not.” I look like a tall, skinny blond vulture in the Sisters’ uniform. I always do.
“Hush and take the compliment,” she insists, braving a hug. She smells like hot cocoa and the maple candies her mother’s always sending from their farm in Vermont. “Are you all right? You seem . . . pricklier than usual.”
“I’m fine.” I’m not fine. What’s O’Shea cooking up now? Hundreds of Brothers will be at the bazaar. Any of us could make a misstep and be arrested. Things seem so on edge. And beyond that--
“Are you worried Finn will be there?” Rilla cuts right to the heart of it.
NOTES
* Before a dialogue tag (she asks, she insists, she says), use a comma (or exclamation or question mark, if appropriate - but NOT a period) to end the quoted sentence, then close the quotation marks. DON'T capitalize the next word.
* If the following sentence is NOT a dialogue tag, and is a full sentence in its own right, use a period (or question or exclamation mark, but NOT a comma), then close the quotation marks. The next word SHOULD be capitalized.
* I actually cut most of my dialogue tags (she says, she snaps, she hisses, etc) in revision in order to layer in description. Check out this post for examples!
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