Welcome to the second MCS Minute Masterclass, where we feature a quick writing tip to help you improve your writing in just 60 seconds!
Today our topic is dialogue tags.
Consider the differences between:
“I’m protecting you," I insist.
“No, you’re smothering us,” Maura argues.
“Do you think I enjoy it?” I demand. “I’m trying to keep you safe. I’m trying to keep you from ending up like Brenna Elliott!”
“Brenna Elliott was a fool,” Maura sighs.
“Was she? Or was she just careless? They ruined her either way,” I explain.
“She was odd before," Maura says.
“Odd or not, she didn’t deserve what was done to her in that place,” I snap.
and this:
I reel back, stung, and almost knock into the globe. I steady it on the pedestal with both hands. “I’m protecting you.”
“No, you’re smothering us.”
“Do you think I enjoy it?” I demand, throwing up my hands. “I’m trying to keep you safe. I’m trying to keep you from ending up like Brenna Elliott!”
Maura sinks onto her window seat, her hair as red as the maples lining the drive. “Brenna Elliott was a fool.”
It isn’t that simple, and Maura knows it. “Was she? Or was she just careless? They ruined her either way.”
Maura raises an eyebrow, skeptical. “She was odd before.”
“Odd or not, she didn’t deserve what was done to her in that place,” I snap.
- from BORN WICKED, p. 18-19
My early drafts look like the first example. The dialogue tags identify who's speaking, but they don't give the reader any clues as to how the character looks or feels, or the scene around them. The rhythm is monotonous, with a dialogue tag ("she says," etc) at the end of each line. In revision, I cut most dialogue tags and layer in description. What's the character's expression? Her body language? How is she interacting with her setting? Answering these questions creates a more vivid scene.
Today our topic is dialogue tags.
Consider the differences between:
“I’m protecting you," I insist.
“No, you’re smothering us,” Maura argues.
“Do you think I enjoy it?” I demand. “I’m trying to keep you safe. I’m trying to keep you from ending up like Brenna Elliott!”
“Brenna Elliott was a fool,” Maura sighs.
“Was she? Or was she just careless? They ruined her either way,” I explain.
“She was odd before," Maura says.
“Odd or not, she didn’t deserve what was done to her in that place,” I snap.
and this:
I reel back, stung, and almost knock into the globe. I steady it on the pedestal with both hands. “I’m protecting you.”
“No, you’re smothering us.”
“Do you think I enjoy it?” I demand, throwing up my hands. “I’m trying to keep you safe. I’m trying to keep you from ending up like Brenna Elliott!”
Maura sinks onto her window seat, her hair as red as the maples lining the drive. “Brenna Elliott was a fool.”
It isn’t that simple, and Maura knows it. “Was she? Or was she just careless? They ruined her either way.”
Maura raises an eyebrow, skeptical. “She was odd before.”
“Odd or not, she didn’t deserve what was done to her in that place,” I snap.
- from BORN WICKED, p. 18-19
My early drafts look like the first example. The dialogue tags identify who's speaking, but they don't give the reader any clues as to how the character looks or feels, or the scene around them. The rhythm is monotonous, with a dialogue tag ("she says," etc) at the end of each line. In revision, I cut most dialogue tags and layer in description. What's the character's expression? Her body language? How is she interacting with her setting? Answering these questions creates a more vivid scene.
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